Friday, October 17, 2008


It's looking beautiful outside with a lot more still to come. I love the changing colors of the leaves and the crisp fall air. This weekend we're going to take the kids on a hayride near my mom and dad's house. We go every year and we all really enjoy it. Christopher prefers the non scary hayride while everyone else goes on the scary one. At 16 and 14 I think Louis and Sarah go just to reconnect with their youth. We've gone since they were babies and it's fun to go on the hayride and them pick some pumpkins. They also have a corn maze. Hopefully the corn will be tall enough this year. One year they went in the corn maze and you could their heads above the corn as they walked through. :)

I'm making a pot roast in the crockpot for dinner tonight. I put in two cans of beef stock, one can of diced tomatoes, a bay leaf. I brown the pot roast before I put it in the crockpot. Right after browning the meat I sautee an onion in the same pan and then add that too. I add baby carrots to cook along with it and I'll make mashed potatoes. It's a family favorite.

I'm trying to live a thankful life. God has blessed me with so much. I'm carrying around a hurt right now that never leaves. I have good days and bad days. I recently heard a lesson on how to forgive Christians who knowingly hurt you. A lot of what they said made a lot of sense to me. I need to start practicing the things that God has been showing me and not running away. It feels easier to run away sometimes but in the end I just wind up lost. I'll make my way back to the Lord only to realize that He was right there with me all the time. He is my ever present help in times of trial. He is near to the broken hearted and he does save those who are crushed in spirit. I just don't see a lot of tangible change right now. I'm walking completely by faith right now that God will honor His promises.

My children are such a blessing to me. They are the reason I've gotten through these hard times. I view myself as the mother bear who when faced with someone wanting to hurt her cubs will do whatever it takes to protect them. Even if it means her life. I lay down my life for my children. What would I gain if I gain everything I wanted for myself and leave in the wake the crushed spirits of my children. What a poor trade that would be.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Friday, September 19, 2008

Latest happenings

Well, it's finally later. So much has been happening lately and yet things are starting to settle into a subtle familiarity. Louis has started attending Christian school. The school is about 40 minutes away and thank God I found someone who can car pool with me. I only have to pick him up or drive him down which is such a break for me. He really likes the school too.

Nick and I went to Back to School night yesterday and met his teachers. They're all very nice and the classes seem interesting. He's doing very well in keeping up with the homework which is the one thing I thought might be a challenge. The hardest thing that he's had to adjust to is the fast pace of attending school. He has to get up at 6:00 and we have to leave the house by 7:00. Then he goes about his day at school and is picked up at around 3:00. Then it's home around 3:45. It's such a difference from his homeschool schedule which usually allowed him to sleep until 9:30. Then he started school at 10:00. He would take a break after each class plus lunch and he never had homework unless it was for the classes he took at the Calvary Christian School. He actually had a very leisurely paced day. As he got older though it was boring for him to be home all day, even with activities during the week. It's nice to see him tired and have a feeling of accomplishment at the end of the day. He says he looks forward to weekends like he never did before.

Sarah has started High School and for now has decided she hates it. It IS a huge adjustment from Middle School because she does not see her close friends much during the day. They also have a different schedule where there are four classes of 80 minutes and they are on alternate days. She doesn't have any of her close friends in lunch either though she does eat with a couple of girls she's known in middle school. She did go to a football game tonight and had a great time though. I know she's going to do just fine. Nick and I are talking about perhaps putting her in Louis' school next year since we do realize that High School can have some negative influences but we're going to wait and see. She's becoming very commited to church and her youth group and I've seen such a change in her committment to the Lord. God is so faithful to work in their lives.

Christopher starts preschool next month. It will be from 8-10 four mornings a week. He's getting much better with attending Sunday School and is definitely ready for school. I can't believe how fast he's growing up! Today we went to McDonald's and he played in the playland for 2 hours. He met a couple of other little boys his age and they had so much fun playing together. He's also just gotten a new bike and loves to ride it. We have to go on bike rides a couple times a day now.

Tonight Nick is at a gig. I picked Sarah up from the football game and then later at 11:00 I picked Louis up from the Youth Group.

I've been working so hard getting my house in order. Not just "cleaning" it but getting it to the point where it's easier to maintain. I figure the easier the house is to maintain the more I can count on my family to do it. theory that's the way it should work. I'm going to apply to some of the banks in our area. I'm also going to look at other options like working at a hospital near my home or perhaps a store. I've got to see where the Lord leads. I know He has a plan for me. I've wanted to wait on getting a job until I knew about Christopher's preschool and also I wanted to be able to focus my energy on being there for Louis and Sarah during this transition. So far things are going smoothly and I actually see how things can work out in the future.

My diet and exercise has been going good. I've been maintaining and for me that is the biggest challenge of all. I could always lose the weight but as soon as I wasn't dieting it would come right back on. My goal is to still lose more and I'm working on that but I'm also enjoying the 50 that I've lost. I've also discoverd a new weakness which is the Wendy's vanilla frosty shake. It is so delicious!

I've been doing very well with all the things that I've been learning from my counselor, Brenda. She's challenged me to not only look at myself as mother and wife but to find out about things that I like to do just for me. If you know me you know that it is so hard for me to focus on myself and do for myself. I always default to the kids or Nick. She's encourged me to find time for myself and to find things that I feel good doing. I've been enjoying reading so much more without feeling guilty about what else I should be doing. I'm studying German again and want to improve my proficency in that. There are other things too but those are two things that come to mind. Tennis and running are still two things I've got to make time for. I've discovered that I'm a much better wife, mother and person if I do give myself the time I need to feel like what I want matters too.

God is truly working in my life and in my families lives and I'm so thankful for that. He's blessed me with more than I could ever have asked for and continues to strengthen me with the things that I cannot change. He's still working on forgiveness issues that I have but little by little I see Him healing my heart. The person who hurt me has now recommitted her life to the Lord and was recently baptized and though there still has been no contact or apology I know that God is working in her life. I believe that even with all the bad that has happened He can take that and turn it into something good.
If You Were Mine

When my heart is troubled and I am weighed down,
Then I like to think of how this lonesome world would be
If I could see your face, or hold you in my arms
If you were mine, if you were mine.
If you had a bad dream I would jump inside it,
And I would fight for you with all the strength that I could find.
I would lead you home by your tiny hand
If you were mine, if you were mine.
I would sing of love on the blackest night.
I would sing of God, and how His goodness fills our loves.
I would sing to you, til the morning light
If you were mine, if you were mine.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The Faithful Wife

A Few Characteristics of the Faithful Wife

1. She keeps covenant with her husband long term. She is sexually faithful and mentally faithful. She is a one-man woman.

2. She shows mercy and extends long-term forgiveness to her husband.

3. She is verbally faithful and will conceal a matter when it is prudent to do so. She is not loose-lipped.

4. She walks through trials and afflictions by faith, trusting the Lord and encouraging her husband.

5. She looks for her duties in the big things and in the little things.

6. She looks to express her faith by pursuing virtue.

7. She does not waver and is faithful till death.

What kinds of things hinder faithfulness?

1. Unbelief. We forget our promises; we fail to look to God for the strength to fulfill our vows. We take our promises lightly.

2. Lack of loyalty. Some wives never really leave and cleave. They have taken their husband's name, but have not identified wholly with him and with his people.

3. Caring too much about the wrong things, like other people's opinions. Women can be lead into unfaithfulness by listening to the wrong things, whether it is other wives complaining about their husbands, or daydreaming about some knight in shining armor.

4. Not following his lead, not staying on the same page. Some wives do not like their husband's style of leadership. They want to lead their husbands into a kind of feminine ideal of what male leadership looks like.

5. Being careless in the little things leads to unfaithfulness in the big things.God is pleased when we trust Him. When we are faithful over a little, our responsibilities expand. Faith is always the starting point, and a mustard-seed size faith does wonders. In a world that does not understand loyalty and fidelity, a faithful woman is hard to find.

Solomon says this about the disloyal, unfaithful woman: And I find more bitter than death the woman whose heart is snares and nets, whose hands are fetters. He who pleases God shall escape from her, but the sinner shall be trapped by her. (Ecclesiastes 7:26)

Monday, July 21, 2008

God is faithful!

I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; be of good courage; and He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!”


Change can be either good or decide. :)